Hawaiian shirts, denim cutoffs and, if you’re lucky, kegs. Welcome to darty season. For those who don’t spend their weekends binge drinking, “darty” is a day party, usually occurring on someone’s front lawn strewn with red Solo cups and the errant kiddie pool. It can be one of the best or worst events, depending on how you play it. Here are Weekly-certified tips on how to successfully darty into the narty (night party).
Pack lightly but efficiently. A tiny backpack or fanny pack is ideal. This is where you store sunscreen, your phone, keys and any other miscellaneous items. You may be tempted to think you can put everything safely in your pockets, but this would be inaccurate. Listen. You’re going to a darty, not a child’s birthday. It is everyone for themselves. You shouldn’t put your phone down at any point during a darty. Don’t bother asking anyone if they’ve seen it because you have already lost it. Posting in the Facebook event the next day asking where your Ray Bans are do not help recover them. The best method is prevention — do not be too proud to carry a satchel of some sort.
Choose your poison wisely. Beer makes you tired and bloated. It’s fine for sipping, but leave the bulk of it for the “bros” you are dartying with (our EIC Jane Drinkard strongly disagrees with this sentiment; please note that The Weekly is somewhat divided on the issue of beer). Stick to hard, clear alcohol. Mix it with something in an empty water bottle. Caution: choose a mixer too sugary and you’ll be hungover by 4 p.m. Grapefruit and orange juice mask the taste of raw vodka nicely. Shots work, too, but can become rather tedious after a while. If you are feeling next level, the “super orange” flavor of Emergen-C goes down the palate nicely and potentially offers health benefits. Consider it the superfood of chasers.
DO NOT attempt a boot ‘n rally unless you are 100 percent confident in your ability to bounce back. I swear. Unless you are a practiced dartier, it is difficult to bounce back after pulling the trigger. Proceed with caution, you’ve been warned.
Nap between the hours of 5 and 7 p.m. Timing is everything when trying to transition from darty to narty. Fall asleep after 7 p.m., and you will not wake up until the sun is shining through your bedroom windows and you are lying on top of your bed fully clothed in yesterday’s darty attire. You will need a nap, but don’t let it exceed two hours in length. Five to 7 p.m. is a dead zone for the darty anyway. Eat a burrito or pizza and catch some Zzzs.
Plan your transition into the evening. There isn’t anything worse than waking up alone and groggy and then trying to get ready for a night out. Like life in general, you should surround yourself with supportive people. Supportive in this case means fellow nartiers. Bonus: having a friend who didn’t darty and therefore has more energy. This friend can be a key player in boosting collective narty morale. Take a cold shower, chug a Red Bull and play your pregame playlist.
Armed with these tips, you may be fortunate to transition from darty to narty. Only the strong survive.
