Occidental Anti-Bucket List

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Every college student has a bucket list, whether it’s going skinny dipping, getting a cool piercing or rushing a sorority. This week, we at The Occidental Weekly have kindly constructed our anti-bucket list. As much as we view our school with admiration and mirth, these are the experiences that we never wish to have at Occidental College.

Getting married in the marketplace.

Standing in line at the omelet bar and witnessing the refilling of the factory-manufactured egg liquid from a defrosted carton right before they use said egg liquid to make your omelet.

Sitting with all of your friends at the Cooler when the voice over the intercom calls “ORDER 69” and your heart sinks because you know it’s your grilled cheese.

Walking through cum tree forest by the Cooler at the hottest time of the day to get to your two hour long Spanish class in Treehouse N.

Hosting a prospie. Ever.

Running into an old hookup in the doors to the marketplace, you both try and let the other person pass, neither of you know who should hold the door open. You accidentally wink and don’t leave your room for the rest of the day.

Opening your computer in the quiet section of the library during finals week and the last song you were listening to starts blasting. Spoiler alert: It’s Macklemore.

Hooking up with someone on your OxyEngage trip while on your OxyEngage trip.

Thinking that doing 3-2 at Cal Tech is a real thing before realizing that Physics is too hard. Inevitably scrambling during sophomore year before settling on either UEP or, god forbid, Geology.

Being thrown into the fountain on your birthday.