Author: Berit Anderson
In about three and a half months, myself and many of my closest companions of the last three years will be drawn up to the bosom of Occidental College, given a good hard shake and flung heartlessly out across the world at large like a set of dice. Sure, we’ll all be clutching little pieces of paper with important-sounding titles printed on them like Arts, Baccalaureate or Critical Theory and Social Justice, the ownership of which is supposed to make the past four years we’ve spent toiling over the interpretations of Nietzche and Said worth our while. Lately, I don’t mind admitting, I’ve been having a few doubts about the usefulness of these pretty slips of paper.
After all, in a Feb. 19th New York Times column, Op-Ed economist Paul Krugman described the environment into which we will be landing as having entered a state of “crisis that bears an eerie, troubling resemblance to the onset of the Depression.” Those are fighting words, even from a man I generally admire for the healthy doses of cynicism he so regularly injects into domestic economic discourse.
Luckily, we won’t be alone. Across the world, millions and millions of members of the global class of 2009 will be casting out with similar bits of paper from their own havens of higher education. Best of all, we will all be vying for the same 10 spots in the job market. Soon to be 9 if Obama’s new stimulus plan doesn’t kick in soon.
All of us will be trying to establish some sort of name for ourselves in the world-preferably one we can lord over one anothers’ heads when we all reconvene in 10 years for our college reunion. It’s enough to give even Mickey Mouse a case of the blues.
With such dire economic circumstances awaiting our release into the big bad world, I’ve begun to seriously consider a few alternative job options for myself post-graduation. As one friend recently suggested so kindly, exotic dancing is always an option. Somehow though, given my failed childhood attempts at hula-hooping, I think I might personally be better served by less gyrationally-dependent pursuits.
Which is why, after much contemplation, I’ve decided to enter the low-end restaurant business. It’s brilliant, really. Even after the masses run out of money to spend on new rims for their Hummers, and over-priced fro-yo, their passionate late-night hunger for McFlurries and Chalupas will endure. Furthermore, as folks increasingly find menu prices at higher-end establishments to be beyond their shrinking budgets, the lines at the counters of more reasonably priced joints will grow. What does this mean for those currently seeking employment? (98.4% of the senior class at Occidental College and many others scouting for summer jobs.) The quality establishments we have so valued during our college years will be hiring!
In-N-Out: seeking fry dippers, McDonalds: now hiring milkshake blenders, Chipotle: desperately in search of nimble-fingered employees for deft burrito stuffing and wrapping. Even Leo may be forced to expand his noble enterprise beyond the fabulous woman who blesses so many of us with late-night guac and limes for our tacos. Furthermore, all of these establishments are within a stone’s throw of Oxy, so you’ll still be able to make use of your alumni gym privileges. A benefit you’ll definitely need once you start eating three meals a day with any of the aforementioned restaurateurs.
Of course, you won’t be making the top dollar wages you might at places like Google or Wells Fargo; jobs like those require connections. Still, the employee turn-over rate in the food services industry is pretty high, and before you know it you’ll have worked your way up from the fry station guy to the cashier. If you stick with it long enough, you may even wake up one day with enough money in your bank account to buy your own franchise. Right here in Eagle Rock. With all the money you’ll be saving on gym membership fees, chances are good you’ll be able to swing it.
At this point, you underclassmen might be questioning the applicability of this advice to your own lives, but let’s be real. The road is long and dark. The same Krugman piece quoted above included an excerpt of the minutes from the Federal Reserve’s most recent open market committee meeting (the group that sets interest rates): “All participants anticipated that unemployment would remain substantially above its longer-run sustainable rate at the end of 2011, even absent further economic shocks.”
Yes, that’s right. Let this serve as a warning. Even the class of 2011 will have to deal with our unfortunately-timed release into the international job market. Luckily, you people still have a few years to develop alternate skill-sets. My advice? Buy yourselves a hula-hoop and start swinging from the quad lampposts between classes. I hear those exotic dance places pay pretty well.
Berit Anderson is a semior DWA major. She can be reached at banderson@oxy.edu.
This article has been archived, for more requests please contact us via the support system.
