Author: Chris Nelson
This Thanksgiving, my family decided to celebrate together in Las Vegas. My brother is the women’s volleyball coach at the University of New Mexico and the Mountain West Conference had its conference tournament at UNLV over the holiday weekend, so the Nelson clan had the perfect excuse to come together and give thanks in Sin City. Of course, my family’s Las Vegas excursion gave me the chance to spend some quality time at various sports books up and down Las Vegas Boulevard.
Thanksgiving qualifies as a sports dominated holiday: NBA and NCAA basketball are warming up, college football season is winding down with the bowl season beginning to shape up, and the NFL is showcased with three games on turkey day and many more games the following Sunday. In fact, the Lions and Cowboys games have become as much a part of Thanksgiving as the turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. Doesn’t everyone eat after the Detroit game and let the tryptophan kick in during halftime in Big D? Typically, that is my tradition as well, but my Las Vegas adventure year offered the prospect of big money and I could not afford to waste time in a food-induced coma.I began the holiday very thankful indeed. After scouting the sports book talent early Thursday morning, I found the facilities at Caesars Palace to be worthy of its name: 20 giant HD screens for the games, comforting brown leather lounge chairs, and individual monitors at each desk providing me at all times with the possibility of a side wager on a dog or horse race. Additionally, Caesars’ sports book has its own bar so painful memories of loss can quickly be drown out with several vodka tonics served in the obligatory, cheaply made highball glasses.
Yes, I was thankful I found my facility and equally thankful for their pick 10 NFL turkey day parlay (for those who don’t know, in a parlay there are, say, 50 possible bets and you pick a minimum of two bets and maximum of 10. You have to get all of the bets you place correct to win, but the winnings are prorated so if you go 6 for 6 you get a 40:1 payback. If 10 for 10, there is a 100:1 payback). Of course it would be far too greedy to pick 10 on the parlay, so I settled on nine bets and I was quite confident in my picks. After placing the bet, I called my friend Seamus—a true sports and parlay fanatic—to tell him what I was going to do with my anticipated winnings. However, by halftime of the Lions/Packers game, my parlay had fallen victim to Brett Favre. My precious parlay, which was supposed to not only make me rich, but also keep me entertained late into the evening, was lost.
Clearly Caesars Palace was bad luck. The facility was just too nice. Not my style. I needed to get to the darker corners of the Vegas strip, someplace where Febreze mixes with cigarette smoke to make an odor so stale that my sweater would still smell like a North Dakotan VFW hall after three trips to the dry cleaners. With that goal in mind, I was off to Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall (no “g”) to experience all their sports book had to offer.
Yes, Bill’s was the place for me. No one was making excessive wagers, no one was gaming in suit and tie, and one person was wearing an awesome New York Giants beer helmet. I knew I was going to be successful at Bill’s, that my football knowledge would surely show through here. However, Bill’s was not the stroke of luck I was looking for. Arkansas won. Tennessee won. Hawaii won. Unfortunately, I bet against all those teams and depression soon followed. Worse yet, Bill’s failed to send waitresses through the sports book frequently enough leaving me feeling the full pain of my losses. I left Bill’s down, but not yet broken, as the neighboring Imperial Palace offered me a beer pong tournament and a craps table. I chose to mix the two and left IP rather dizzy and rather poor.
I woke up on Saturday in a crisis of faith. I was not thankful, but quite the contrary. I clearly knew nothing about pro football and even less about college. This Vegas excursion was suppose to supplement my income, prove that I knew all there was to know about football and legitimize my place next to The Swami and Kirk Herbstreit as the one of the greatest game day analysts of all time. Turns out, my game day analysis is worse than Bill Simmons, Lee Corso, and even Steve Schroeder. If I had just bet on whichever team’s mascot I thought was cuter, I would have won more. I called Seamus kindly asking him for his thoughts on Saturday’s games. He was less than helpful and refused to provide me with any insights.
I then went to downtown Vegas to turn my luck around. The sports books downtown were about as large as my living room at home and full of people looking to avoid the glitz and glam of the strip. Right away, I could tell that these people were real gamblers and I knew I couldn’t make it at the 4 Queens sports book. I retreated to the casino floor and joined my dad, mom, brother and sister at a blackjack table. Five cranberry juices later, I had greatly reduced my losses and was once again smiling and laughing-thanks in large part to my sister’s coaching.
I ended Saturday night and my Vegas trip thankful once again. This time, not for Caesars Palace’s luxury sports book, plentiful highball glasses, my phantom riches, or my surefire knowledge of football. No, I was thankful for all the traditional things, such as spending quality time with my family . . . playing blackjack. And perhaps that family connection is even more American, even more in the spirit of thanksgiving than the turkey or gambling on football. As for what I learned about sports betting: not much. Seamus and I have booked a trip to Vegas in time for March Madness.
This article has been archived, for more requests please contact us via the support system.
