Author: Gil Alcaraz
Recently, at Tufts University near Boston, the administration passed a rule stating that one roommate could not participate in any sort of sexual activity while the other roommate was present, according to the L.A. Times. Essentially, the school’s administration banned “sexiling.”
As many of you may know from personal experience, being “sexiled” in college is a rather common occurrence. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, sexiling occurs when one roommate asks another roommate to leave the room to allow him or her to explore sexual urges with another boy or girl (or both). There are many ways that people express this desire for their roommate to give them some private time. Starting freshman year, most people work out some sort of system as a way of notifying the other person when a roommate-free room is needed, almost like an unspoken agreement. So if most students have worked out a system to notify their roommate when they have a sexual guest present, why would a school need to interfere with something that works on such a private and personal level?
This simply shouldn’t be something that a school can decide. It should be an arrangement between roommates. Students should be empowered to tell their roommates what they are comfortable and uncomfortable with. There really is no need for some sort of policy or rule to tell them what to do or say.
Honestly, we’re in college. Most of us should, by now, be able to stand up for ourselves and tell someone else we’re uncomfortable with what’s going on around us without having to resort to bringing up a rule to defend how we feel.
According to the L.A. Times, some schools, such as UCLA, ask students to create their own contracts or agreements so that they have a chance to work things out for themselves rather than having the school tell them how to do it. This seems like a much more useful practice than having to enforce a rule telling students how to go about dealing with their personal urges.
There are also several ways that a roommate could be forewarned about sexual activity happening in the room, so this shouldn’t be a problem to begin with. If the roommate needs to study or do work, there are places such as the library or even a common room that allow for a much more studious environment then a dorm room anyway.
Putting the ins and outs of “sexiling” on paper is a questionable way to deal with students complaining about being uncomfortable when their roommate has a “friend” over. The year should start with talks between students about setting ground rules for things.
In any case, there really isn’t a way to enforce such rules as the one Tufts enacted except by way of one roommate “telling on” the other. Most students would rather just talk about it and avoid the confrontation that would ensue if they were to bring the school into the equation.
Gil Alcaraz is an undeclared sophomore. He can be reached at alcaraz@oxy.edu.
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