Leave Chris Crocker Alone: Why His 15 Minutes are Spent

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Author: Brett Fujioka

It was only a matter of time before YouTube got lame. I just wish that it didn’t come to this.

Everyone is quite aware of Britney Spears’s horrendous performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. The next day, a rabid fan’s YouTube blog somehow eclipsed Britney’s lame flamingo walk. The fan, Chris Crocker, hysterically begged the world to leave Britney Spears alone.

Within 24 hours, the video accrued two million views. Almost 750 parodies responded overnight. He even made national news and gave guest appearances on several talk shows. Despite all this, what both the news and talk show hosts failed to report was that the world was laughing at Crocker. Even the emo kids were casting stones at him.

As always, the MTV executives misinterpreted his popularity as another potentially bankable media cash crop and offered him his own show. What they failed to notice is that Chris Crocker’s internet success is akin to Chyna, the former WWE wrestler, and her Playboy spread. A majority of the world bears a secret attraction to freak shows and androgynous spectacles. However, this same majority prefers to leave this attraction hidden beneath their bed, beside their stack of pornography. Nobody is going to watch this show aside from a miniscule audience out to support Chris Crocker.

A friend of a friend I know obsessively watches videos of Chris Crocker on his computer. His sole defense is that, “This guy is so messed up!”-which bring me to my other point. The reason why pornography is so abundant on the web is because personal computers allow people to view it in private. I’m not saying that people get off to Chris Crocker or enjoy watching his videos (there are probably a sick few who actually do), but they do indulge their fancy for freak shows through him.

I know that it’s a bold assumption to say that everybody is attracted to freaks. But with this in mind, what can you attribute to the success of X-Men, Elephant Man and Rosie O’Donnell? At the same time, people also want this fascination to remain out of the public eye. I’m pretty sure that this friend didn’t intend on anybody discovering how often he watches Chris Crocker. Nobody wants to be seen at the local triple-X theater. This is why Chris Crocker’s show will not succeed. You can’t translate the private anonymity of the internet onto the beloved boob tube.

True, there are some instances in which you can transcribe internet memes to the big screen. I wasn’t the only one who cheered during X-Men 3 when the Juggernaut touted his notorious, “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” jibe. But you can’t produce an entire movie, or syndicated series, based on one viral internet meme. There’s a reason why the masterminds behind the lonelygirl15 production haven’t gone through with their intended movie. It’s because whoever created her knew no one would shell out $10 in dedication to a long string of popular but fake web blogs. MTV would be even bigger idiots if they decided to transcribe the “Chris Crocker experience” to the big screen.

Another reason why the Chris Crocker video proliferated so quickly is that it offered a quick means of shared delivery-and it was free. People also probably shared this video, after judging it, with malicious intentions. They proffered it as another link similar to goatse, tubgirl, lemonparty and cupchicks. There’s no way people are going to go out of their way to watch a bad show for some giggles.

A staff member suggested that Chris Crocker was a part of a giant marketing ploy like lonelygirl15. As credible as this sounds, I’d have to say that this is still ridiculous. Take into consideration that MTV is giving him this show. You’re giving them way too much credit. MTV is a televised entity, which reacts and panders to the masses more than it influences it.

This would also mean that Chris Crocker himself is an actor in this ploy. I highly doubt that he’s that good of an actor. Hugo Weaving, probably one of the best actors out there, played a less-than-convincing drag queen in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. There’s no way that someone who probably hasn’t hit puberty yet could accumulate that much talent before adulthood.

MTV is already setting Chris Crocker up for disappointment by promising him a career in acting. If Crocker really wanted to further his career as he claimed, he’d challenge himself and try to act normal for a change. YouTube is the place where people have their 15 minutes of fame and then extinguish quicker than the morning star at dawn.

Think about every other discontinued internet meme out there. Do you remember the Chinese Back Street Boys? Hamster Dance? What about the Star Wars Kid? That’s right. Chris Crocker is going to be long-forgotten just like the others. No one is going to watch him except for the select few illegally ripping his televised episodes onto YouTube.

Brett Fujioka is a senior ECLS major. He can be reached at bfujioka@oxy.edu.

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