Author:
I am writing to commend the prudence, foresight, and sensibility with which Occidental’s Renewable Energy & Sustainability Fund has been invested this year. When I was first told about the fund, I was skeptical a group of Occidental students pledging their parents’ money could reverse anthropogenic climate change and save the world. How shortsighted of me! If only I had known that the fund would be used for funding school dances and building bike racks several meters from existing bike racks, I would have changed my tune long ago.
Never again will I have to experience the terror of pulling up to the library and casting about in vain for a fashionable place to lock up my new Huffy, only to be met by unsightly rails. Now my bipedal beauty is cradled by the sensuous curves of a suitably chic bike rack (conveniently located adjacent to the old bike rack!). For this, I have the Sustainability Fund to thank. Maybe if more students had contributed, we could have afforded a third, even shinier bike rack, right next to the other two.
Also above reproach is the Fund’s decision to subsidize the Green Dance. We have no way of knowing how many trees were planted as a result of that night of drunken revelry in the Cooler, but I have faith that it was money well-spent. I could almost feel atmospheric CO2 levels dropping with every one of T-Pain’s soulful couplets!
I dream every night about what fantastic variety of miracle the Sustainability Fund will effect next. Maybe the money should go to printing several thousand flyers educating the campus about deforestation, or converting Rangeview into an oil refinery. It’s remarkable what a dedicated group of students can do when freed from the constraints of reality!
This article has been archived, for more requests please contact us via the support system.
