Author: Tess Langan
On its surface, Telefund is a group of 40 students in swivel chairs and
headsets collecting gifts from alumni and parents across the
country. But closer inspection reveals a reality of pick-up pictionary
games and candy bowl politics — a reality more beautiful and bizarre than one could imagine.
Telefund operates out of the basement of Thorne in what Telefunders ominously
call The Tiger Den. In the Den, they have a quote board documenting
the funniest and dumbest things said in recent memory and a
counterculture of TF/GFs and TF/BFs (Telefund Girlfriends and
Boyfriends).
“There are some alternate constructions of it. There are some threesomes,” manager Sarah Winters (senior) said.
Telefund seems to relish the wacky and the wonderful, whether it is their hallowed history of ketchup packet
throwing competitions during work breaks (objective: to see who could
make the biggest splatter) or the pet gerbil that went missing years
ago.
“It might still be living in Telefund,” Assistant Director of Annual Giving Lucy Richardson said.
With the exception of one real or imagined gerbil, the Tiger Den is occupied
by a group of outgoing and energetic students. “We’re never going to
hire a sourpuss,” Richardson said.
These students call more than 12,000 alumni and parents per semester. In
essence, it is their fundraising that provides the invisible supports
undergirding our College: each pledge helps support professor’s
salaries, the library and financial aid.
During a recent Saturday 10-hour phone drive, Telefund raised more than $100,000. Richardson adds that on a bad day one might make
calls for three and half hours to answering machines, dial tones and the
click of a preempted goodbye.
On a good day, however, one of those calls might turn into a story.
Siddharth Saravat
The famously loquacious Saravat, called a smooth talker by an alumnus, once
had a 45-minute conversation with a parent. They talked about Bangkok
and Indian food — about the world he grew up in and the life he put on hold to come to Occidental.
“I felt like I was talking to my dad,” Saravat said of the parent. “I invited myself to his house.”
Saravat seemed particularly moved by a call to a woman nursing her
daughter in the hospital and coaching her son through the foreclosure of
his home. She donated despite her distress. “She said, ‘What goes
around comes around,’” Saravat said.
Once, he thought he was calling a parent but ended up calling a current
student. “I said, ‘Hello is this Mr. ____,’ and he responded, ‘Sid, why
are you calling me? I’m at the track. Stop calling me.’”
Manager Peter Gilman (senior)
Gilman once called woman during a rare snowstorm that buried
Washington D.C. The alumna he called, barricaded by the blizzard, was
baking cookies with her daughter. Gilman said there was something
idyllic about the idea of them baking in their snowy hideout and recalled that he almost wanted to be there too.
For Gilman, talking to the politically inclined seems to be a theme of his job. He talked to a graduate of the ‘50s who put out the “Conformist,” L.A.’s first underground newspaper. The alumnus and a friend ran three
issues before they were accused of subversion and called into the office
of the president of Occidental where an FBI agent awaited them.
Gilman also called the head of finance for “Women for Obama.” He checked in on
one of Occidental’s most well-know graduates, asking her what Obama
was like. “She told me, ‘He’s everything you’d expect. If you meet him, you’ll totally
embrace the perspective he’s bringing to issues,’” GIlman said.
Julia Defigueiredo (senior)
Defigueiredo once talked to an alumna who also happened to be her sorority sister.
“We had a forty minute conversation, and we became friends. Her little was
my big,” Defigueiredo said. “So she was my grand-big!” Their friendship
quickly went Facebook official.
Defigueiredo recounts the call from which her immortalized quote was born. Not only
was an excerpt from her call put up on the quote board, it was cut down — preserved
and honored. In the timeless transcript, while talking to an alumnus
who is currently a practicing dentist, Defigueiredo asked what type of
toothpaste she should use if she wanted to rebuild enamel.
Manager Sarah Winters (senior)
Beyond the gaffes and guffaws of the funny calls were stories which showed
students the alternate reality of an Occidental that no longer exists. Winters had a penchant for unearthing stories like these — especially in her preferred demographic.
“My favorite calls are with the frat guys of the ‘60s,” Winters said. “I feel like old dudes are really sassy.”
Winters’ sweet spot for dad jokes made it easy for her to get them to open up. She talked to an older alumnus who owned a fire truck that he used to drive around campus.
One told her about an April Fool’s joke where he dissembled the stalls in
a girls bathroom leaving behind only the toilets. Another alum filled an entire dorm room with crumpled bits of paper andanother from the ‘80s who listed historic punk bands, from Black Flag”
to “X,” who played here.
Manager Justin Berner (senior)
Berner, like Gilman, has been working for Telefund for four years. At this point, he knows his own strengths and weaknesses pretty well.
“I have better luck with the old ladies, but I actually prefer the young ones,” he said. “For a while they tried to prevent me from speaking to old people.”
Berner’s conversational catalog was quite eclectic. He maintains that he once spoke with a goat-killer and, separately, propositioned an alumnus to donate to uncurse the library.
“Make a gift so we can get the poltergeist out of the library,” Berner said. This quote is so well-known among Telefunders that Berner suspects it has been watered down and paraphrased.
For Berner, however, no one compared with Gale.
“We just got along really well,” he says, noting their back-and-forth joking relationship. Gale is an alum that Berner has called in the past. It was Gale who taught Berner the expression: “Some girls are foxy, the rest go to Oxy.” He attributes the re-emergence of the expression on campus all to Gale.
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